The Breakup Artist Read online

  “Come on baby,” he said. “I saw the way you looked at me when you were here over the weekend. Couldn’t get enough, huh? Boyfriend not doing it for you? Well I’m always here for you.”

  I saw red. My hand shot out and I grabbed him by his stupid theater polo shirt collar. He had some pin from a superhero movie on that collar that rattled as I pulled him closer.

  His eyes went wide. He seemed like the kind of clueless guy who’d think any attention from a girl was the right kind of attention, even if said female was telling him to go fuck himself, but there was no missing me grabbing his shirt like that.

  “I’m going to ask you a question,” I said. “You’re going to answer it, and you’re not going to hit on me or stare at my chest or do any other creepy thing you do with other high school girls you creeper.”

  “Fine!” he said, a hint of fear touching his voice.

  I growled. “You guys are all the same. You probably think Matthew McConnaughhay in Dazed and Confused was a hero and not a creeper.”

  “Well he did…”

  The guy didn’t get a chance to finish his thought. I twisted his collar and he let out a little gagging noise as his airway was cut off ever so slightly. Just enough to get his attention.

  What can I say? I’d had it with guys staring at me like I was a piece of meat. Whether that guy was a shift leader at a theater concession stand or my boyfriend.

  “Where’s Maddie?” I hissed.

  He blinked a couple of times. A smile started to spread across his face, but all I had to do was pull on his shirt and that took care of that.

  “She’s not working here tonight,” he said. “I think she might have a shift tomorrow, but I’d have to look at the schedule to be sure.”

  “Don’t bother,” I said, making a disgusted noise in the back of my throat.

  For one I didn’t want to stick around the concession stand long enough for somebody to see me accosting someone. They’d take one look at that and think I was the bad guy.

  For another I couldn’t stand to be around this guy for another moment. I decided I’d rather leave and maybe take my chances coming back tomorrow. After all, if there was a chance she’d be here then I could just blow off whatever date Steve wanted to have and come see her instead.

  Yeah, the more I thought about it the more that seemed like a really good plan. The more I liked it.

  The more I was totally an asshole, too. I’m an unreliable narrator and I’m also kind of an asshole narrator. I’ll admit it. Y’all don’t need to point it out for me in the comments.

  I let go of his shirt. Let him fall back. I reached out and dusted off his collar.

  “There. Was that so hard?” I asked.

  “I guess not,” he said.

  “A piece of advice for you,” I said. “They say the rule for dating is divide your own age by two and add seven, but you might also remember that for a guy your age it would be a good idea for you to push that so the girls are at least eighteen and graduated from high school before you start creeping on them. Sound good?”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, feeling at his neck.

  “Good,” I said. “Because someday you’re going to run into a girl who complains to your manager instead of roughing you up. Maybe someone who goes to the cops instead of your manager. Remember that.”

  I hit him with my sweetest smile and wheeled around. Walked away. I was sure he was staring at my ass every step of the way, but what could you do? I’d already made it clear exactly what I thought of his attention, and I couldn’t stop him from creeping on me from a distance.

  As I left I felt frustration overwhelming me though. I’d really been hoping I’d run into Maddie. She seemed to appear at the right moment, but I guess today wasn’t the right moment.

  I sighed.

  “Such a huge sigh,” a familiar voice said from beside me.

  I wheeled on that voice. My face split into a huge grin. I guess think about her and she shall appear. Because there was Maddie, grinning at me as she leaned against the ancient arcade that had been out of business for as long as I could remember.

  “Fancy meeting you here,” I said.

  “Fancy meeting you here,” she replied. “A girl might almost think you were looking for somebody…”

  I stuck my tongue out. It seemed to get the message across. She grinned and walked over, took my hand which sent a thrill running through me, and we were off.

  14

  Spark

  Ashley Timmons says

  Remember all that stuff I said in my last update about how I didn’t know anybody who actually hung out at the mall? Well I’m going to be revealed as the huge hypocrite I am in today’s post.

  Yeah, yeah. I know there are a lot of you out there who already thought that about me. Screw you and have fun in the comments.

  Because it turns out there were at least two girls who enjoyed spending time at a mall that hadn’t been updated since the ‘80s or maybe ‘90s.

  It turns out maybe all those ancient ‘80s teenagers knew something. There are perks to going on a date in the mall with a person who works at the mall. It turns out Maddie knew things I never would’ve guessed, and it actually ended up being a pretty good time.

  It turns out the mall can be an awesome date. My first real date. At least I think of it as my first real date even though I’d been on dates with Steve, obviously.

  I figured those didn’t count. I wasn’t really into them, but this was nothing like that. This was everything I’d ever thought a date should be, and then some.

  It was enough to turn me into a believer and maybe start to think I was wrong about this whole love thing being a sham that was invented by flower companies to push merchandise on February 14th.

  I didn’t think of it as a date at the time, but this is totally the story of my first real date.

  We’ll pick up the story in the book store.

  “Have you ever read this?” Maddie asked.

  I squinted at the book. It looked like something I would’ve read in middle school.

  “David Lubar?” I asked. “Who the heck is he?”

  “He only writes some of the best horror fiction on the market these days,” she said. “Well, for younger kids, at least.”

  “For kids?” I asked, my nose scrunching up. “You mean like RL Stine?”

  Maddie rolled her eyes and it was clear I’d said the wrong thing. That was the look of a vinyl hipster who was upset that you just said CDs were better quality than records.

  “RL Stine is okay if you’re in elementary school,” she said. “But this stuff is legitimately scary. You don’t know if the characters are going to make it out alive or not.”

  “Well I was pretty on the fence about whether or not certain characters were going to make it out alive with some of RL Stine’s books,” I said.

  “That’s because you didn’t know any better,” Maddie said.

  “Right,” I said. “So sorry.”

  “It’s okay. You were young and you didn’t know any better.”

  “What about this author?” I asked, holding up a Lauren Myracle book. “I really think she does a good job of capturing the young teenage girl voice.”

  Maddie’s eyes narrowed as she got a good look at the book.

  “Is that written entirely in text speak?” she asked.

  I looked down at the book. This had been one of my favorites in middle school.

  “So what if it is?” I asked, feeling a touch defensive now.

  “People don’t talk like that when they’re texting anymore.”

  “Well you should give it a try sometime,” I said. “Because I think she’s awesome.”

  “I’ll be sure to check it out, but what about this?” Maddie asked.

  I hit her with a flat stare. “Really going for the deep cuts with that one, aren’t you?”

  She was holding out none other than Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.

  “What? You’re no
t going to tell me you don’t like these books? I don’t know if we can be friends if you don’t like these books.”

  “I mean I love those books, don’t get me wrong,” I said. “But isn’t it a little obvious? Everybody loves those books.”

  “Who cares if it’s obvious,” she said. “There are just some books you have to make sure someone likes!”

  “Well yeah, but if we’re trying to reveal deep truths about ourselves through our book selections or something…”

  Maddie arched an eyebrow. “Is that what you think we’re doing here? Because I thought we were just hanging out in the bookstore recommending books.”

  I blushed. There was something to her look. Something that said maybe I’d read this entire situation wrong. Maybe there wasn’t as much going on under the surface as I thought there was.

  Had I been completely wrong? Was she not into me at all? Had this all been a friendly thing and I’d totally taken the wrong idea from it because of these strange feelings that kept bugging me?

  Damn.

  Then she grinned.

  “I’m screwing with you,” she said. “That’s totally what we’re doing here, but there’s nothing out there that says you can’t reveal a deep personal truth about yourself and like something that’s so mainstream even the hipsters and the haters love it.”

  I stuck my tongue out. It seemed like the thing to do since she seemed to be enjoying screwing with me so much.

  “Since it looks like we’re not going to buy anything though, what would you say to some lunch?” she asked.

  My stomach rumbled. Maybe it wasn’t quite lunch time, but my stomach demanded tribute.

  “Sounds great,” I said.

  She surprised me by reaching out and taking my hand as we walked through the bookstore. I suppressed a shiver. That felt good. It was an electric spark that was always lacking with you know who. I’m not going to mention him by name anymore because he asked me not to, but he is sort of important to this whole story so I’m going to have to keep referring to him as something.

  I’ve got it. He is now he-who-must-not-be-named. It’s sort of thematically appropriate considering what Maddie and I were discussing in this update!

  Anyways. That hand holding gave me a spark that was nothing like anything I ever got with he-who-must-not-be-named. It felt good. It felt right. It had my stomach doing little twists and I loved it.

  It felt even weirder to go walking through the mall holding her hand. Sure I just got done talking about how I never saw anybody who actually went mall walking, but at the same time people did go to the mall for a purpose even if they didn’t necessarily go for the exclusive purpose of hanging out. There was still an off chance I might run into somebody I knew.

  But at the same time I didn’t really care. It felt so good holding Maddie’s hand that I couldn’t bring myself to stop.

  Five minutes later we were at the food court and I’d gotten some Chinese food. The kind of generic stuff you get in every mall food court in the country. Meanwhile Maddie had gone for pizza.

  I grinned as she slid her tray onto the table. “Nice to see that both of us care about eating healthy.”

  Now it was her turn to stick her tongue out. “I figure I’m only young with a high metabolism once. Might as well enjoy being able to do this while I can, right?”

  I sighed as I took a bite of my deliciously bland lo mein. This was one of those moments where I was young, I was having a good time with a girl I was very attracted to, and it felt like it was going to last forever.

  Even if I knew this perfect moment would be over soon enough.

  I’m sure you’ve all had that feeling before. Or if you haven’t then you should really stop and think about it. We’re only young once, and you want to enjoy the good times while you’re smack dab in the middle of them.

  “So this is where the magic happened, isn’t it?” Maddie asked, looking around the food court.

  Panic lanced through me. Where the magic happened? There was only one thing I could think of that she’d be referring to, and it had me worried that she knew something.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “I went online and read about this breakup artist you were telling me about,” she said. “Seems to me this is where all the magic happened when she broke up Kylie and Thomas.”

  I forced myself to keep my eyes on my food. I took a bite of chicken and took the opportunity to masticate it for a little bit so I wouldn’t have to concentrate on what she was saying. What she was implying.

  If she thought she was going to get me to give something away by using that female pronoun then she had another thing coming. Oh yeah, I caught that. She wasn’t as clever as she thought she was.

  Assuming, of course, that she was even trying to be clever.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. I jabbed a fork at her. “And why would you say she? Nobody has any idea what gender the breakup artist is.”

  Maddie shrugged. “I figure anyone who’s smart enough to pull something like that off and devious enough to not get caught is probably a girl. I don’t care what they’re saying about seeing a guy down there while the breakup was going down. We have the mind for that kind of thing, you know?”

  “Maybe,” I said.

  “Come on. You can’t say you’re not curious. The idea that there’s someone out there who’s breaking up couples doesn’t interest you in the least?”

  “I figure there are people out there who need to be broken up, but it’s not any of my business.”

  “Are you sure it’s not any of your business?” she asked, a twinkle in her eye that had me wondering if she did know more than she was letting on.

  Or maybe it was simply that she was on a fishing expedition. Maybe she thought I knew more than I was letting on, and she was trying to get me to give something away.

  Well she had another thing coming if she thought I was going to give anything away.

  I’d been keeping my mouth shut about this for way too long to give it up just because there was a pair of pretty eyes and a body that wouldn’t quit on the other side of the cheap mall food court table.

  I glanced around. We actually weren’t all that far from where Kylie and Thomas went through their sudden catastrophic relationship failure. I could see the table from here.

  “I’m just giving you a hard time. You know that, right?” she asked.

  “Totally,” I said. “It’s not like it’s a big deal.”

  “Yeah, but what I said the last time we talked about this is kind of a big deal,” she said.

  She stared at me. I stared right back at her. Here we were. Finally getting down to it.

  “It’s fine,” I said, returning my attention to my cheap mall food court Chinese food. That seemed safer than staring into the intense heat that was her gaze.

  “But it’s not fine,” she said. “I was a real bitch, and I want to apologize.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe you were right.”

  I couldn’t believe I actually said that. Talk about giving away way more than I wanted to.

  There was a hesitation on her end. An awkward pause that seemed to stretch out forever. But then again isn’t that the way awkward pauses always work? They always seem to last way too long.

  Finally. “What exactly was I right about?”

  Her voice was casual. Cool. As though she didn’t have a care in the world what my answer was, but the way she was so practiced in her indifference showed she wanted nothing more than to hear the answer.

  The only problem was I wasn’t quite sure what the answer to that question was. I wasn’t quite sure how to handle any of this.

  So I figured why not be completely and totally honest?

  “I don’t know,” I said. “That’s all the answer I can give you right now. I’m sorry.”

  I stood. I wasn’t sure why I was standing. I just knew I had to get away from this. Whatever this was. Things were starting to get a litt
le too real. Again.

  I turned and I was about to head for the garbage bins when I felt a hand on my arm. I turned and of course there was Maddie looking worried.

  Maybe a little annoyed and worried. Okay, more annoyed than worried, but she was still worried.

  I was blowing hot and cold again, but can you blame a girl? I was going through some serious shit when this all went down. Like I’d just discovered I was into girls a few days ago and that was a lot to process.

  Especially when the object of my affection was right there looking stunning. Annoyed, but stunning.

  What would you do? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

  She leaned closer. I thought maybe this was the start of a moment. Maybe this was one of those times when I should’ve just taken command an leaned in and given her a kiss. Yeah, that sounded like a really fucking great idea.

  But it was also a terrifying idea even if the thought of kissing her excited me way more than any kiss had ever excited me with Steve.

  I looked away and the moment was over. Mostly because I wasn’t looking into those hypnotic eyes anymore. No, I could think straight if I didn’t have her staring straight into my soul.

  Probably used the word straight a few too many times back there considering this moment was about as far from straight as you could get.

  “I’m sorry Maddie,” I said. “But I really have to go.”

  “Well you’re not going without this,” she said.

  She used that hold she had on my arm to pull me closer. This time it was pretty fucking obvious even to me that this was a moment and it was happening whether I wanted it to or not.

  God I wanted it to happen. Her lips pressed against me.

  I’m sure there are a lot of cheesy ways I could come up with to tell you what that kiss felt like, but I don’t feel like looking through a bunch of cheesy romance novels to come up with a proper explanation.

  Let’s just leave it at that kiss blew the socks off of any kiss I’d ever felt before. Honestly it blew the socks off of any kiss I’ve felt since. Mostly because there’s something about that first kiss that really means something, and this was a kiss that showed me everything I’d been missing all this time. It was like cupid was there, only he had a big mallet instead of an arrow and he was hitting me over the head again and again screaming “this is what you wanted all along dumbass!”