Villains Do Date Villains! Page 11

  The point was they were getting the hell out of there. It was nice to know there were some military idiots out there who could still make the right decision, even if it was unfortunate that it was the grunts making that right decision and not the guys near the top who could get everyone to leave with an order.

  “Right then,” I said. “The rest of you are about to have a very fucking bad day.”

  I flew down at top speed. Slammed into weapons and soldiers alike. I sent them flying into the air. I sent some of them flying down into the pit they’d been firing into. The point is all of them were going to have a really bad fucking day by the time I finished with them.

  Though when I was done with them I didn’t feel like I was done at all. There was an armored column that was moving towards me, but the idiots were stupid enough to be moving in a straight line.

  I grinned. It brought to mind that magnificent bastard in the Iron Man movie that so shamelessly ripped off everything that happened in Starlight City on the regular. The one who managed to hit a flying target the size of a man moving at hypersonic speeds with a fucking tank round which wasn’t designed for antiaircraft fire. That bastard didn’t get enough credit for that shot.

  Unless you counted getting immolated by a firecracker as credit. It was a cool scene, though, and it was time for life to imitate art just a little bit.

  I slammed down in front of the first tank in the column and held my hand out. The bastard kept right on going though. No Tank Man moment for me here, though it was unfortunate for the son of a bitch driving this tank that he didn’t have a moment’s hesitation.

  If he’d had a moment of hesitation then there was a chance he might’ve actually survived this. As it was he was simply the first bastard to run into my hand. The moment he did I made a little flick with my wrist and the thing went flying into a building that looked like it’d been an insurance office for some suburban insurance salesman before all this business happened in Starlight City, but had since been taken over by the military in violation of the third amendment that no one ever talked about.

  After that tank slammed into the office it was neither an insurance office or a convenient place for troops to bivouac, of course. Too bad for the dude who owned the place, though I figured if there was ever anyone who probably had good insurance that covered heroic interventions it was an insurance agent.

  “Oh dear!” I shouted, loud enough for anyone who might be listening to hear clearly. “It looks like I broke your big scary tanks! What ever are you going to do?”

  More tanks came rolling for me. I punched straight down into the front of the new first in line. The armor plating buckled, and the thing flipped over my head. The next one got picked up by its turret and tossed off into the farmland beyond the suburbia that was beyond the urban jungle that was Starlight City.

  Finally we started to get to tanks that seemed like they were doing the smart thing and trying to get the fuck away from me. The only problem with that plan being I was pissed off after the first few tried to run me over, and I had no intention of letting any of them go free.

  About ten minutes later there was nothing left of the armored column. I shot up in the air. There were fires here and there that’d sprang up where a tank landed, and a couple of massive craters in the ground where ammunition in those tanks had gone up after less than graceful landings, but for the most part this part of the massive military encampment encircling Starlight City didn’t seem the worse for the wear.

  I stopped for a moment. Paused to listen. Really listen. I was looking for a couple of bastards in particular, and I figured I was going to have to separate some aural wheat from chaff if I was going to find them.

  I opened my eyes. Focused on a column of vehicles, not tanks, making their way towards the edge of the camp. They were surrounded by a bunch of helicopters that looked like they were trying to provide an escort, though why those assholes thought a helicopter was going to do anything against yours truly was anyone’s guess.

  Maybe they’d worked against the clones. I was anything but a clone now, though.

  A couple of minutes later and those helicopters were fireballs going up all around us. I punched through the Humvee in front of me and came up with none other than the two star general who’d been so quick to try and capture me earlier.

  “Well hello there,” I said with a grin. “I warned you we weren’t done when you tried to capture me.”

  “You can’t do this!” he said. “You’re in US territory and subject to our laws. Your attack is an illegal…”

  “You might think I’m the old Fialux. That I’ll be all nice and hugs and kisses with your kind because that’s what I did before. Only I saw what you did in that lab, and I’m not going to let that happen to anyone ever again. No matter who’s doing it,” I growled.

  The general grinned. I wasn’t sure why he should be grinning. I was in the middle of trying to kill his ass for what he was doing to my clones and he was smiling at me like this was a comedy show or something and I was up on stage hitting him with my best material.

  “You’re too late,” he growled.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “Like I’ll tell you!”

  I moved a hand down his chest. Down to between his legs. Then rolled my eyes as I realized that this asshole was actually getting excited feeling my hand between his legs.

  Ugh. Men. Not something I would’ve been interested in even if I was into the dudes. I wasn’t into the Silver Foxes, thank you very much, and this dude was more like a wrinkly Silver Possum or something. Assuming that’s a thing.

  Hey, I’m well aware that everyone has a type. And to be fair to the dude I still didn’t have on a stitch of clothing, but that didn’t lower my revulsion.

  “Y’know normally I’m not a huge fan of torture to get information and I realize I’m being a flaming hypocrite here, but I figure you assholes were the ones who did it first while you were playing in the sandbox with all your toys last decade. So do you have any idea how much pressure it takes to crush a human testicle in your hands like a grape?” I asked.

  His eyes went wide as he realized what I was getting at. His mouth worked and his tongue was moving like he was trying to get something out, but the sheer terror as he realized exactly what I was getting at was too much for him.

  I squeezed. I didn’t even have to squeeze all that hard. I’d just been tossing around tanks like they were children’s toys, after all, and compared to that crushing a man’s favorite bit of anatomy wasn’t all that difficult at all.

  “Yeah, turns out I have no idea what the answer to tha question is,” I said. “But I’m also pretty fucking strong so it’s not like it matters!”

  I smiled a cheery smile at him. Which was a marked contrast to the way his eyes rolled into the back of his head like he was about to pass out. Although if he thought he was going to get away that fucking easily then he had another fucking thing coming!

  I slapped him a couple of times to make sure he stayed conscious.

  “Hurts, doesn’t it?” I asked. “Something tells me that’s nothing compared to some of the pain those clones down in that lab had to endure while they were literally being vivisected, that’s dissection when someone is still alive if you’re not aware, so I think you can stay conscious to endure some of this fun buddy.”

  His mouth worked again. I thought he was trying to whisper something, but it was hard to tell for sure, so I leaned closer.

  “Fuck. You,” he whispered.

  I slammed him against the Humvee’s roof a couple of times for good measure. That didn’t seem to do wonders for him, he was clearly suffering from what looked like a nasty concussion, but then again it’s not like he was going to live long enough to worry about the longterm effects of a head injury like that.

  I also saw something sitting next to him in the back. Something green. Something familiar. Something I’d been missing since I first woke up.

  I let him fall to
the Humvee roof. He’d keep there for a moment. It’s not like he was going to make an escape in his currently concussed state.

  I pulled the familiar fabric up and grinned. A green miniskirt and tight top. A green cape. Invulnerable to just about anything. I had no idea how this asshole got ahold of it, but I wasn’t going to question the universe throwing me a bone for the first time since I woke up in the remains of the Applied Sciences Department.

  “Hello sweetie,” I said, rubbing the cloth against my face and then quickly pulling it on. “I’ve missed you.”

  A loud noise from the distance drew my attention. I turned to see what could possibly be making that noise, and realized it was only the aliens in Starlight City doing their thing. It was a measure of just how fucked up the world had gotten since I woke up from whatever the hell had knocked me out that invading aliens had become background noise, but here we were.

  “That’s the problem,” the general coughed, some blood coming up with it. “You’re a cancer on this world. Always have been, and now they’re finally willing to do what we should’ve done to this city a long time ago. Take care of your kind and the aliens at the same time.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  A large chunk of ice settled into the pit of my stomach. I didn’t like how he was talking. It was like a general in some stupid Hollywood movie who was about to suggest the big mushroom cloud solution to a problem.

  It was a solution that never worked in the movies, but this was hardly a movie. He reached out and made an exploding motion with his hands, banging them together then bringing them out while making a very childish “pow!” noise.

  I rolled my eyes and flew up, up, and away. I carried him with me and let go when I was sure he was high enough that there wasn’t a chance he’d survive when he hit the ground, then streaked off towards the pit I’d left those clones in.

  Not because I was worried about them so much as I was thinking about that map I’d seen that tech working on. I had to work fast, because I had a feeling something very bad was going down in Starlight City, and I was working on a timer that was rapidly ticking down to multiple mushroom clouds erasing my home from existence.

  18

  Shields Down!

  “Wait, so you’re saying you came back here and you’re not even going to get us out of here?”

  I sighed and rolled my eyes. “What part of ‘the city is seriously fucked’ are you having trouble understanding?” I asked. “One of you should be able to fly soon enough. Get out of here then.”

  Already several of the clones were starting to jump a little higher than a regular mortal had any business jumping. Sure they weren’t going to be setting any world records any time soon, but I also figured it wouldn’t be all that long before whatever mojo the military had been using to suppress their powers finally wore off and they’d be jumping out of here with no problem.

  “But they might come back and kill us before this stuff wears off!” another one said.

  I growled. “Fine. I don’t have time for this shit, but I’ll give you a lift to that hallway up there.”

  I nodded to the hall I’d come out of. It was surprisingly intact compared to the rest of the underground lab I’d destroyed in the interest of saving these ungrateful bitches’ lives.

  “I’m going to get all of you up there,” I said. “From there do you think you can figure out how to get the hell out of here?”

  A couple of them eyed the hallway like they didn’t think they could get out of there at all. A couple of others flexed their fists like they were looking forward to a good challenge. One actually ran to the other side of what was left of the room and put her mouth over one of the pipes that was still pumping some of that strange anti-me gas into the room. She took a deep breath, twitched, and then fell to the ground dead.

  “Okay,” I said. “That was an overly dramatic way of saying no. Anyone else have a problem with this plan?”

  They looked at each other, but none of them seemed so distraught at the thought of having to walk through the halls of the facility that had been holding them captive that they were willing to commit suicide rather than try to escape.

  “Good,” I said, turning to the nearest me. “Take my hand please, and then grab the hand of the me nearest you, and let’s make a chain. I’m assuming all of you still have a bit of strength even if you’re not in flying shape?”

  That got more than a few nods. Enough nods that it was going to have to do. I took the first me and pulled her up. Placed her down on the ledge leading into a hallway that looked like something straight out of some of the most boring office complexes in the world.

  Talk about the banality of evil.

  “Right,” I said to the me standing there. “Pull them up here and then y’all can make your escape. I’d advise you to get as far as you can from Starlight City as quickly as possible, because I have a feeling this whole place is about to go up in nuclear fire if I don’t manage to fix things fast.”

  “What gives you that idea?” the me nearest to me asked.

  “Simple,” I said, holding up a little thumb drive I’d grabbed off of one of the computers that hadn’t been destroyed by my tornadic trip through the place. “I have the evidence, and the guy running things pretty much told me they were getting ready to blow up the city rather than have it fall into alien hands.”

  “But what’s going to happen to us?” the clone asked.

  I shrugged. “That’s up to you. I’d get the hell out of here if I were you. The last thing you want is to be caught out here when the big explosion goes off, after all. Whatever they used with those strange rayguns is clearly hitting all y’all a little harder than it hit me.”

  The clone’s mouth fell open. Her eyes went wide, and I could see in that stare that she was thinking of all the terrible things that would happen as her body went through an up close and personal reenactment of that creepy bombing scene from Terminator 2.

  Yeah, it’d really suck to be the Linda Hamilton in that situation, though realistically someone caught that close to an atomic blast going off probably wouldn’t last until they were a screaming charred corpse.

  I also had no idea when the fuck I’d found the time to watch Terminator 2, a genre that’d held no interest for me before even if badass Linda Hamilton was totally hot, but there the memory was sitting in my mind.

  “Good luck,” the clone said.

  “Good luck to you too,” I said. “You’re gonna need it if they set off all the nukes they’ve hidden around here.”

  I wasn’t sure how many nukes they actually had planted around the city. I’d only had the one glance at the screen to show me where they were, and what I wouldn’t give for a screenshot of that now, but I also knew that there’d been enough triple bladed nuclear points on that map that the city was in for a very fucking bad time indeed if all of those went off at the same time.

  I flew up into the air and over the city. I looked down at the military camp spread in a donut going off into the distance around Starlight City. I knew it moved in a circle around the city, but I wasn’t high enough that I could see the curve of the circle. That was how big it was.

  At least part of the blockade was probably naval, though, out in Starlight City Harbor. Either way there was work to do, so I flew up higher and tried to ignore the aliens who were still busy fighting something in the middle of the city.

  There were more important things than fighting off aliens right now. Millions of people were still trapped in that city, and they were all going to be reduced to nuclear ashes when that shit went off.

  My only regret was I hadn’t had time to go after that military dude who’d cared more about his precious hardware than the men driving that hardware, but it was too late to worry about that too much.

  So I flew higher and higher. High enough that all the sound of the city was mostly filtered away by distance. I didn’t do something ridiculous like flying all the way up to space. Sound didn’t tra
vel in the vacuum of space for all that I could travel in the vacuum of space for awhile without getting hurt, which meant if I went up there I wouldn’t be able to do what I was about to do.

  I was high enough that I could hear the whole city, and it was easier to filter things out from way up here. I closed my eyes and concentrated. There was one person in particular I was looking for. There was one…

  Voices came to me. People planning something. People running a desperate attack against aliens and my clones at the same time. Running an assault that involved villains trying their best to save the city.

  I smiled. A crisis like this made for the strangest of bedfellows. Which in this case was a bunch of villains doing their best to save a city they’d been preying on for the longest time.

  It was nice that someone down there was finally admitting to the hero part of the whole antihero label. It was also time to go down there and make sure she really became the hero I knew she could be, so I turned around and shot for the ground.

  I swooped over a run down part of the city that looked like it’d seen better days even before the place was attacked by aliens and me clones.

  One of the smaller flying saucers on patrol in the area turned and headed right for me. I frowned. If those alien assholes thought they were going to be able to stop me then they had another thing coming. I sped up even when the saucer started firing all weapons on me at the same time.

  I’d like to imagine there was a look of surprise on the aliens’ faces when they realized I wasn’t stopping. That maybe this Fialux who was heading straight for them was moving a little faster than all the other Fialuxes that’d come at them. I had a moment to see a very blue alien looking at me in surprise as I punched through the shields and the saucer’s armored top, and then I was through the flying saucer and the thing was slamming into some of the buildings off in the distance as I came in for a landing.

  The only people on the street corner I’d landed on were a couple of clones of me. I nodded to each of them and turn and smiled.