The Breakup Artist Read online

  I’m getting away from the real story though. Back to Thomas. He walked down that hall and I shot an anonymous message to Maddie.

  “Target is heading your way.”

  I waited. This was the most critical part of the whole operation. There was still a small chance he was getting up to go to the bathroom or something.

  That would be odd considering the food court bathroom was in the opposite direction from Maddie and her distracting assets, but I’d understand if he wanted to use the bathroom in another part of the mall. I think everyone knows how gross the food court bathrooms get.

  Seriously people. Is it that hard to hit the mark? This is why we can’t have nice things at the mall.

  “Get ready,” I whispered.

  I peered down at the table. What I really needed right now to make this perfect was a pair of binoculars. Of course a pair of binoculars would make me stand out and the last thing I needed was to stand out when I was working.

  That would just give away exactly what it was I was doing, and we couldn’t have that could we?

  Tommy’s phone was down there on the table where he’d left it when he’d been so distracted by the sexy. He probably didn’t think he had to worry about it.

  Well we were going to see about that.

  “Ping Kylie’s phone,” I said.

  “What?”

  “You heard me. Send her the message we worked out ahead of time.”

  Craig sighed. I knew he thought I was being overly cautious, but overly cautious is why I’d managed to stay in business for as long as I had.

  Kylie reached down into her pocket and pulled out a phone. Weird that she didn’t have hers out while she was talking with Thomas, but maybe she wanted to be nice while she was on a date and he didn’t give a fuck because he probably wanted to make sure he had his phone out and on him at all times in case one of the many lines he was dangling got a nibble.

  Kylie pulling out her phone told me that was definitely Tommy boy’s phone sitting out in the open. The idiot.

  “Got it. We’re in the clear. Deliver the package.”

  “On it,” Craig said, a hint of excitement coming to his voice. “I don’t suppose you…”

  “No I am not going to take a video of this for you,” I said. “You know how this works. We don’t want people to figure out what we’re doing here.”

  “I know,” he said, the excitement gone, replaced by a sulk. “Package delivered.”

  I watched intently. Down below Kylie looked at Thomas’s phone. It would be buzzing right about now. She frowned. Yeah, she’d seen the package appear on the preview on his lock screen. She looked off in the direction Thomas had disappeared and then back to his phone.

  Right about now she’d be wondering if she saw what she thought she saw.

  I held my breath. This could still go so very wrong. Kylie could still decide she didn’t want to be a snoop. She could leave his phone alone even if there was a ridiculously suspicious message that just popped up on his screen. The sort of message that shouldn’t be popping up on a guy’s phone if he was in a happy relationship.

  “Verified,” I said. “The package has been delivered.”

  “Now to see if she reacts the way we’re hoping,” Craig said.

  I grinned. The only thing missing from this moment was a huge cigar to chew on, but there was no way I was ever doing something like that because ew, gross, and I was too young to buy the things anyway.

  “I love it when a plan comes together,” I said. Hey, if I wasn’t going to enjoy the big cigar I could at least enjoy the line from that ancient show my dad used to watch all the time on cable channels that seemed to exist exclusively because of old people nostalgia.

  Kylie stared down at the phone and I could tell she wasn’t enjoying what she saw there. No, that message was tailor-made to get her to pick up her boyfriend’s phone and…

  Jackpot!

  Kylie frowned. Clearly she didn’t like what she was seeing on her boyfriend’s phone. Of course she didn’t like what she was seeing on her boyfriend’s phone. After all, I’d slaved to come up with the perfect text that would communicate exactly what he’d been doing in as few characters as possible.

  She picked his phone up. Stared at it long and hard. Then she looked in the direction he’d just left.

  Maybe she’d been all sweet and trusting about the way he was staring at Maddie a moment ago, she was a sweet and trusting kind of girl, but there was a hint of suspicion there now.

  It was almost heartbreaking. I was witnessing the exact moment she realized the world wasn’t the sweet and sunny place she thought it was. The precise moment when she realized her perfect boyfriend wasn’t quite as perfect as she’d thought.

  Boo fucking hoo. I was more of the opinion that love was something Hollywood created to sell movies and perfume and diamonds and other things, which shows how much I knew. But that’s where I was when I watched Kylie.

  Hey, was there maybe a part of me that got a little bit of joy out of showing other people that love was a lie? Helping them to come to the same realization I’d come to years ago watching my parents?

  Maybe, but like I said. I fully admit that I was kind of a jerk. Justified, but a jerk.

  Kylie swept her finger across the screen. And sure enough I could tell Tommy boy wasn’t smart enough to put a passcode on his screen. That had been part of the surveillance. Part of making sure this job was going to go off without a hitch.

  That passcode would have been so simple, would have made it so difficult for me to do what I was doing now, but lucky for me Thomas wasn’t all that smart.

  Which was odd, considering he was a regular da Vinci when it came to every other aspect of cheating on his girlfriend. I guess it just goes to show that even the greats have their weaknesses.

  Or maybe it was that he was so cocky and confident that he didn’t think he’d get caught. After all, he was the one who was staring at Maddie with his girlfriend right in front of him. He was the one who had his phone out while he was having lunch at the food court with his girlfriend, no doubt texting other prospects.

  Maybe it was that he’d gotten so used to Kylie being so trusting that he figured he could take full advantage.

  Well it was game over now buddy.

  Kylie’s thumb was moving up and down along his screen so fast now that I figured if scientists could figure out a way to harness the power being generated there then they’d be able to solve the clean energy crisis. Her eyes darted back and forth.

  At least I assumed her eyes were darting back and forth. Reading all the texts he’d gotten from the number we’d spoofed. It was too far away to really see what her eyes were doing.

  The number belonged to one Allison Sinclair. A former cheerleader who’d since gone on to college, and I understood she was leaving her own trail of not so broken hearts there if all the rumors about her were to be believed.

  Then again it wasn’t like you could believe everything you heard about people. Take all those rumors about that infamous breakup artist and what a horrible person he was.

  The breakup artist wasn’t even a dude. Like I said, it shows what the rumor mill knew.

  Allison seemed like a nice enough girl. For example, I knew for a fact she was nice enough to carry on some very naughty conversations with Thomas. Again, if the rumor mill was to be believed.

  It was even said there were some very interesting mirror shots that kept Thomas with a ready supply of racy photographs now that Playboy had decided they weren’t going to compete in the naughty picture business in an Internet world.

  I couldn’t be sure of any of that, of course. It was all so much guesswork on my part. A lot of this job was guesswork, but I’d gotten very good at profiling people. Let’s just say my guesses tended to be good guesses.

  And from the way Kylie was fuming, always fear the anger of the quiet nice girl, it looked like my guess had been right. We’d spoofed the racy text from Allison, but that would’ve led Ky
lie to look at the rest of the texts.

  Including a hell of a lot of incriminating evidence. There was going to be one hell of an explosion when Thomas got back.

  It took a good ten minutes for him to get back. It was enough to make me wonder what went on with Maddie. Could his charm be so great that he was able to convince her to give him her number? Even after what he’d done to her friend?

  That was no concern of mine. All I cared about was that she did her part. She could even get so caught up in his charms that she told him the breakup artist was gunning for him, but it would be too late.

  He’d already made his fatal mistake in not password protecting his phone.

  No sooner had he sat down than he sensed something was wrong. I couldn’t hear their conversation, I would’ve paid a pretty penny to be close enough but that would’ve been way too fucking obvious, but the body language was more than enough to go on.

  He said something. Tried to figure out what was wrong. She said something back, but it was short. Curt.

  Some gesturing from him. Another short answer. Then he looked down. Realized his phone was in her hand.

  Not very observant, this guy.

  God how I wished I was close enough to see the look on his face. Even across the food court it was easy to tell he’d realized just how screwed he was.

  The explosion came, and I didn’t even need to be close to them to realize the explosion was happening. No, that was an explosion that was big enough, loud enough, with enough shouting that everybody in the food court, hell probably everybody in the mall, immediately knew something was going on.

  I leaned back and watched the aftermath of my handiwork. I smiled. I loved it when a plan came together.

  3

  After Action

  Ashley Timmons says

  I need t o clear up a couple of things from my last post.

  I’m well aware that Craig and Kylie are dating now. I’m also well aware that revealing his part in her breakup with Thomas could have broken them up.

  If she didn’t totally already know everything about it. You idiots. You really think Kylie is going to be upset with me for doing my work when that work revealed her boyfriend to be the cheating asshole that he was?

  No. No way. Not a chance. We’re still pretty good friends, as you saw from the comments she left. So all you haters trying to grasp at any reason to tell me I’m a jerk can take your comments and put them where the sun don’t shine.

  As for Thomas leaving all those comments about how I was just mad that I didn’t have a real man like him? That all it would take was getting with him for one night and I’d suddenly decide the whole girls thing wasn’t for me?

  Can you say eww? Disgusting.

  First off, that’s not how this works. Not into the dudes. Sorry not sorry buddy. Second, even if the entire human race disappeared overnight and the only person I could get with to pass the time was Thomas you can bet your butt I’d stockpile batteries and raid any “special” toy stores for a civilization ending supply of fun rather than getting with him.

  That’s right. Something electronic is better than getting with that prick, and all you girls out there still defending him in the hopes he’s going to get with you, well that’s probably actually going to work. He’ll hit on anything with tits and a pulse, but I feel so bad for all of you.

  Like I don’t even have to bother responding to your angry comments. The fact that Thomas is probably going to track you down and get with you is punishment enough. The universe has already done more to you than I could ever hope to with snarky comments on the Internet.

  Enough of that, though. I have a story I’m telling here. On to the aftermath of the Thomas/Kylie affair.

  “To another job well done,” I muttered as I watched the argument down below.

  “Another job well done,” Craig replied.

  I jumped. That voice had come from right behind me. I wheeled around and scowled as he walked up with his backpack slung over one shoulder. That held all his little technology toys he’d used to accomplish the minor technical miracle we’d just pulled off.

  “Damn it Craig,” I hissed. “What have I told you about sneaking up on me like that? And why aren’t you at the remote location?”

  Craig rolled his eyes as he sat down and ran a hand through a mop of messy blonde hair.

  “It’s my house,” he said. “Not a remote location. You don’t have to talk about this like we’re the freaking government or something.”

  I sniffed. “It’s still not a good idea for us both to be here at the same time.”

  Craig grinned. It was a winning grin. The kind of grin that would’ve been attractive if I was into guys. No wonder Kylie eventually went for him.

  The only thing I was in at that particular moment, though, was denial. I was so far in denial that you might say my boat was going through darkest Africa.

  “Look, would it really kill you to treat this a little more seriously?” I asked. “We could both get in huge trouble if people found out what we were doing.”

  “And nobody’s going to think anything is odd if you’re sitting talking with me at the food court,” he said.

  “Oh yeah? What about Steve?”

  Craig rolled his eyes. “Seriously? You think your boyfriend is going to be jealous of me?”

  “You never know,” I said.

  “Either way…”

  “Come on,” Craig said. “Would you feel better if I told you I got close up pictures?”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, and I hated that I couldn’t hide my interest.

  He laughed. “You really need to learn to check your surroundings better.”

  “What are you…”

  Craig answered by reaching into his bag and pulling out a blue Cubs cap. He put it on his head and leaned over, hunched his shoulders, and looked down. And I realized I’d totally seen him.

  He’d been down there in the food court. Pretty close to Thomas and Kylie. Close enough that somebody might see him and think he was me. And by me I mean they might think he was the breakup artist.

  “You’re playing a dangerous game Craig,” I said, a hint of warning coming to my voice.

  He shrugged. “Maybe. But I got some great pictures.”

  The pictures had obviously been taken in secret from his phone. Like he’d had it out pointing at Kylie and Thomas but didn’t want them to know he had his phone out and was taking a picture.

  Because they were clandestine shots they weren’t very clear, but I could make out the moment Thomas realized his game was up. I even caught a view of what Kylie had been looking at on his phone.

  Let’s just say some of those salacious rumors about the kind of pictures Allison liked to send turned out to be absolutely true.

  I’m not ashamed to say I found myself peering a little closer, a blush coming to my cheeks even though I wasn’t quite sure why I suddenly felt a little warm looking at those pictures.

  I told myself it was the allure of a college cheerleader, but I think we all know it was more than that considering how this story ends.

  Like I said, deep in denial.

  “Could you maybe zoom in on that?” I asked.

  Craig hit me with a look that seemed to say “are you crazy?” Then he grinned and I grinned right back at him. I knew he wanted to get a close-up of those pictures just as much as I did!

  “Perv,” he said.

  “You’re the perv,” I said. “I bet you hacked his phone so you could get some of those!”

  He rolled his eyes. “How many times have I told you? Spoofing a phone number to send a fake text is a heck of a lot easier than hacking someone’s phone. That sort of thing takes real work, and it’s also really illegal.”

  I sniffed. Tried to hide my disappointment. After all, I didn’t want to seem too interested in those pictures.

  Craig flipped through a few more pictures. Each one was more delicious than the last, and not because he’d caught close-ups of T
homas’s phone and the pictures on the screen. No, they were delicious because they showed the shock and surprise on Thomas’s face coupled with the pure anger on Kylie’s face.

  The argument was still going on down in the food court. It’d be impossible not to hear it. I glanced down an saw that mall security had decided to get involved in the fracas.

  Damn. I guess I’d done a little more damage than I thought. Still, it was fun to watch.

  “You’ve really outdone yourself on this one,” Craig said.

  “Maybe I have,” I said.

  I glanced back to his phone. And saw a picture that broke my heart. Kylie looking absolutely heartbroken.

  I told myself I was doing a good thing here, that I was exposing a cheater for the jerk he was, but I was nothing if not honest with myself about what I did.

  Someone’s heart had to break for this breakup to happen. It was right there in the name. Break up. It wasn’t a happy thing for anybody.

  I thought about my parents again. I thought about how they probably should’ve broken up years ago, but their relationship shambled along like some sort of zombie marriage because nobody had the guts to walk up and shoot it in the head like it deserved.

  I sighed. I never liked this part of the job, even if it had been necessary.

  “Damn,” Craig breathed. “She deserves so much better than that asshole.”

  I give him a sidelong glance. “Why Craig. You know it’s unethical to creep on clients.”

  Craig rolled his eyes. “She’s not even your client. You got this job from one of her BFFs. Besides, I’m just a contractor working for you, remember?”

  “I don’t know that I got this job from one of her BFFs. That’s all anonymous.”

  “Then how did you get all that juicy dirt on Thomas?”

  “An anonymous source can be totally right and still be anonymous,” I said.

  “That doesn’t change the fact that she’s not your client or my client, so she’d be fair game if we lived in some bizarro world where I had a chance with a girl like her.”