Just Friends: A Sweet Lesbian Romance Read online

  I shivered in anticipation, despite the mostly warm air. Yeah, we might be keeping things quiet, but at the same time things were going very well. I just tried not to think about where things might eventually lead if one of us decided we wanted more than what the other was willing to give.

  I reached the end of the drive and looked off into the distance. After a few moments I saw a beat up old car coming down the road. I smiled. Of course she wouldn't be able to afford something great. Not on what they paid her. She pulled up and rolled down her window.

  "Are you lost stranger?" I asked.

  "That depends. I was looking for a pretty young thing. Cute redhead holding a picnic basket?"

  I grinned. "Well then. It seems you've come to just the right place," I said.

  "So where are we going anyways?" Kirsten asked.

  "We're going to drive down a service road to one of the back fields," I said. "We don't technically own it anymore, but it's not like they're going to give us any trouble for going back there. There's a little stand of trees with a hill in the middle that’s a nice place to have a picnic."

  Kirsten's eyes narrowed. "You're taking me out into the middle of a field surrounded by a stand of trees? Why it sounds like you almost want some privacy," she said. "You naughty girl."

  I shivered. God, she knew exactly what I was going for, and I didn't care. It had been too long. Yet another drawback of being trapped in a place where the only time I could have a little bit of fun was at night when I was using my laptop in the privacy of my bedroom with headphones on, or on the occasional trip back to the city which was never very easy to pull off considering it was a couple hours of driving.

  I smiled down at her. "I guess you're going to have to trust me and find out."

  "I think I'll enjoy finding out," she said with a wink. "Now hop in. I have no idea where this service road is. Is it gravel like your driveway?"

  "Mostly gravel. Though it gets kind of muddy in places. I think you should be fine."

  Kirsten rolled her eyes, but the smile stayed there. "Great. I'll be sure to send the bill for the car wash over to you later."

  "I think that's a bill I'll gladly pay," I said as I climbed in.

  I reached out and ran a hand along her leg, and she closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. She let it out in a low long sigh that went right along with a shiver. Yeah, it looked like she was looking forward to this evening together just as much as I was. I couldn't fucking wait!

  "So do you come out here often? Kirsten asked as she pulled up to the stand of trees.

  "I used to come here all the time for dates," I said, and I immediately regretted it.

  I'd had those old dates on the mind after talking with my mom, but the last thing I should be doing with Kirsten was talking about my old love life. Particularly when that old love life was with a bunch of guys.

  "Oh really? So did those guys know you were using them to cover up who you really were?"

  I barked out a laugh. "Are you a mind reader or something?"

  "Not a mind reader. I just might have done the same thing myself way back when."

  I shook my head. "You're crazy, you know that?"

  Kirsten leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. It was a little awkward with the picnic basket in my lap, but I managed to lean into that kiss. God she felt so good. I loved it when she pressed against me. I wanted to feel her whole body pressing against me, but one thing at a time.

  For the moment I enjoyed a kiss that was far more intense than anything we'd shared so far. Always before we'd held back. Held something in reserve. When we were out walking through the city parks there was always the chance someone could come up on us. So we had to be fast. When we were in the library there was always the worry that Ethel might see us. And so even though we got a little more intense and handsy when we were in her office, we never went too far.

  All of that worry could be thrown out now, though. I basked in the taste that was Kirsten. She was wonderful. She was such a good kisser, particularly now that she wasn't holding anything back. I felt weak in the knees again, and it was a damn good thing I was reclining in a seat in her car. I almost wanted to hop into the back seat, but before I could make that suggestion she pulled away. Smiled.

  "Damn you're a good kisser," she said.

  "You're not so bad yourself," I replied.

  "So how about dinner? I've never been a fan of exercising on an empty stomach."

  It took me a moment to realize exactly what she meant by exercising on an empty stomach. When it finally hit I blushed. "Yeah, that might be a good idea."

  And so we traipsed through the small stand of trees and reached the hill on the other side.

  "This is beautiful," Kirsten said.

  I stopped and stared at our surroundings. It really was beautiful. Almost as beautiful as her under the light of the moon which had come up while we were making the drive back. And while we were distracted kissing one another, I might add.

  "It certainly is," I said, reaching out and taking her hand.

  I led her up to the top of the hill where no trees grew for some reason I’d never figured out. Whatever the reason, it was a perfect spot for a little bit of out-of-the-way fun. Sometimes I wondered if that was the reason why the hill had been cleared once upon a time.

  I could just imagine generations of my family coming out here for a little bit of privacy. Some of them would probably be rolling in their graves if they knew the kind of fun I was planning on having out here now. Whatever. They were all dead, and I was very much alive. And I hadn't felt this alive in quite some time.

  I pulled a blanket out of the picnic basket and set it down on the ground. I laid down and pulled out some sandwiches and then turned to look up at the stars overhead. There really was nothing quite so beautiful as looking at the stars up in the sky when there was absolutely no light to drown them out.

  "This is something I really missed when I was in school," Kirsten said.

  "You and me both," I said.

  "So do you ever miss it?" Kirsten asked.

  "Miss what?"

  "You know. Being in a place a little busier than this."

  I sighed. Now that was a loaded question.

  "I suppose there are parts of it that I miss, but there are things that I like here and things I don't like as well. I think pretty much wherever you go you're going to find things you like and things you hate. You just have to learn to roll with the bad and enjoy the good."

  "Well I'm certainly glad I found something as good as you out here." Kirsten said. She reached out and took my hand and I closed my eyes.

  “Me too.”

  "This is really nice," Kirsten said. "I'm so happy we found each other."

  "Me too," I said.

  I was like a broken record, but I couldn’t think what else to say. I finished the last bit of my sandwich and concentrated on staring up at the stars, but then Kirsten was hovering over me, her hair hanging down over my face and tickling me just a little. She pressed against me, and then her lips were against mine.

  Oh. Well then. Staring up at the sky was nice, but not nearly as nice as feeling her pressed against me finally and not holding back at all like she had when we decided to get a little risky and a little more up close and personal than was strictly safe at the library.

  I allowed myself to be carried away on a wave of pleasure. Her hands, her mouth, her taste, her body, was my entire world for the next small eternity. And I decided not to worry about things like whether or not this could cause trouble down the line.

  No, for the moment it was me, Kirsten, and the stars above. That was all I needed.

  9: Setting Terms

  I fell back against the blanket and breathed heavily. I looked over to Savannah. Her own breath came just as quickly. Her chest rose and fell under her shirt. A shirt I'd gotten my hands under just a moment ago.

  Jackpot.

  Damn that had been hot. Even hotter for not going all the way. This was tech
nically a first date, after all. You had to leave something to look forward to on the second or third date.

  I pulled my attention away from Savannah. As I stared up at the starlit sky it struck me just how dangerous everything we were doing could be. I was potentially risking my job here. She was risking whatever it was that kept her from revealing who she truly was around here. And I didn't care. That had felt so good. I got so carried away that I didn't care.

  I looked over at Savannah. Smiled. Reached out and took her hand. Her fingers intertwined with my own and a thrill ran through me. I could imagine those fingers doing a lot more than intertwining with my own, but that was for another time.

  "What are you thinking about?" Savannah asked.

  I frowned. Her grip tightened. She seemed to anticipate what that frown meant, almost like she could read my mind.

  "Thinking about how complicated this is?" she asked.

  "You could say that," I said. "It's just that I have a feeling that the people who hired me and can fire me anytime wouldn't appreciate it if they found out the town librarian was running around with another woman. I’m sure that would fall on the wrong side of some bullshit moral turpitude clause they could pull out of their wrinkled asses whenever they wanted."

  Savannah sighed. "Yeah. The joys of small-town life, right?"

  "So what are we going to do about this?" I asked.

  It was really more of a rhetorical question, but Savannah squeezed my fingers. It seemed like an answer was forthcoming anyways.

  "Maybe we should set up some ground rules or something?"

  I looked from the stars back to Savannah. Sighed. She'd well and truly put a monkey wrench in all of my well laid out plans. I was just supposed to be here for a couple of years. Get some experience and move on to bigger and better things. Only now she was here complicating everything.

  It was as frustrating as it was exciting.

  "I suppose you're right. We should probably just be completely honest with each other for starters. That sounds like a good ground rule, right?"

  “Like confessing our deepest and darkest secrets to each other?”

  “I was thinking more along the lines of coming completely clean about why we want to stay in our comfy closets while we’re in our hometown.”

  "Yeah, I guess that’s fair,” Savannah said. “I suppose I should go first?"

  "If you want," I said. And it occurred to me that this was a stupid idea. It was prying a hell of a lot for a first date. "You know on second thought we really don't even have to do this. I know this is really personal."

  Savannah cocked her head and I could see a glint in her eyes even in the moonlight. "And what we just did wasn't really personal? Come on. If we’re going to be a thing then we have to be completely above the board with each other."

  I leaned in and kissed her. A kiss that lingered for a moment, but then I pulled back. This really was something we needed to talk about, even if it was uncomfortable. Even if I would rather be sucking face with her than discussing the difficulties of being into girls in a town where that sort of thing wasn’t exactly appreciated.

  "The truth is I'm worried about my mom," Savannah said.

  Well now. There was a surprise. I’d gotten so used to my own parents being the only two people in this town who knew my secret that it never occurred to me that her mom might not be in on hers.

  "You mean you never told her?"

  Savannah looked away. I was pretty sure that if it wasn't so dark out that I couldn’t make out more than a sexy shadow that I would've seen a blush. She seemed to do that a lot. It was so damn cute.

  "I never did. After the incident with pastor Dan… Well, let's just say I'd already dealt with with rejection from a group of people who I thought were my friends, from a man who I actually liked even if he turned out to be a snake. I couldn't deal with that sort of rejection from my mom too, and dad was getting sick around that time and there was so much going on that it seemed like too much to deal with on top of everything else."

  "I can understand that," I said.

  Savannah reached up and wiped a hand under her cheek. I looked a little closer, and saw a tear run down her face reflected in the moonlight. I reached out and wiped it away. Leaned in and kissed the spot where it had just been. I pulled away and a Savannah smiled.

  "Thank you," she said. "I've always lived with the terror of her finding out. I was afraid she’d get a call from pastor Dan back when the whole blowup happened. It never did, thank God."

  I barked out a quick laugh. "Funny you should be thanking Him when His people are the ones who caused all the trouble in the first place!"

  "Yeah, I guess that is a little silly," she said. "I guess old habits die hard around here, right?"

  "Yeah, that’s too true. I still find myself thanking the man in the sky even though I haven’t really been into that whole scene in years. So why haven't you told your mom now that you're a grown woman?"

  Savannah sighed and her shoulders slumped. "It's her health. She's already dealing with being stuck on an oxygen machine all the time. Seeing her like that, so frail compared to how she used to be when I was growing up. She used to be so strong. I worry that the shock might…"

  She trailed off, but the source of her worries was pretty obvious. It was something I could understand and get behind. Her mom was in a fragile state. Her health was on the decline. I could see Savannah not wanting to risk screwing that up.

  "I'm also afraid that if I told her and she reacted badly, well you hear stories about parents reuniting with their kids and having a tearful reunion, but it’s always years later. The thing is I'm not sure if I have years to wait for her to come around, you know? I feel like I should enjoy the time I have with her right now. We have a good thing going, even if we do kind of get in each other's hair living under the same roof again. I don't want to have those years go by and have her die in between, still hating the decision I made."

  I shook my head. This was really heavy stuff. A hell of a lot more heavy than my fears of losing my job. Next to what she was telling me that seemed pretty lightweight. I could always go and get a job somewhere else. Sure I would probably have to move to another part of the country, away from my parents and everything I'd known, but I could still get a job. Savannah, on the other hand, was really stuck in a difficult position. She couldn’t get another mom if things went to shit the way she feared they would.

  I leaned in and kissed her again. "I'm so sorry Savannah."

  "Why are you sorry?" she asked.

  "What you're dealing with. It's just a lot bigger than anything I have to deal with. I admire you for being able to deal with it at all," I said.

  "Yeah, well your situation is pretty bad too. Did one of the ancients on the library board tell you that you’d get fired or something?"

  I sighed. And now we were coming to a part of this that really made me feel like an asshole compared to what poor Savannah had to deal with.

  "The truth is none of them ever said anything that gave me the impression I'd be fired because of sexual orientation. I just figured it was something that would happen. You know how it is. A bunch of old people who are already super conservative, and they’re in one of the most conservative parts of the country. It just seemed to me that with all the people on that board there was bound to be be someone who’d raise trouble. So I decided I simply wouldn’t bring it up."

  "Do your parents know?" Savannah asked.

  "Oh yeah. I told them long ago. I just usually kept a low profile around my friends around here, though most of the people I was friends with have moved away since and are in the know now."

  "Well at least you have that," Savannah said.

  "Yeah," I said. "I guess I'm out until I hit the county line. Crazy, isn't it?"

  "I can't exactly call you crazy," Savannah said. "After all, I'm doing the same thing aren't I?"

  "True enough."

  "So I guess we’ve had some honesty. That means we’re back to whe
re we started. What are we going to do about this?"

  "Well, I just need to keep my head down long enough to get some experience and get a job somewhere else. You need to keep your head down while you're taking care of your mom…"

  I almost said she needed to keep her head down until she was done taking care of her mom, but the unfortunate implications of that statement stopped me at the last moment. Probably a good thing, too. Not only was that ridiculously insensitive, but she was having enough drama with her mom as it was without me adding to that by saying something stupid and bitchy completely by accident.

  "Sometimes I think that would be nice to move somewhere where I could be myself again," Savannah said. “I might be able to deal with being away from home if I had someone worth running away with.”

  I reached out and brushed a thumb along her cheek even as I felt a thrill at her words. "You never know. Sometimes I think living around here could be pretty okay if I had someone to share that life with."

  I felt another thrill run through me. This was getting way ahead of things. Putting the cart well before the horse. We’d just had a few lunches together over the past couple of weeks. This was our first date, and already here I was talking about how I could see myself staying in this town if it meant I was with her? She was saying she could move away if she was with someone who made moving worthwhile?

  Yeah, I felt like we were both letting the initial crush phase of this whole thing run away with us. It was a little early to talk about giving up hopes and dreams for one another. I needed to get this under control.

  "Yeah, I just don’t know," Savannah said, reaching up and taking my hand from her cheek. “I really have a hard time seeing myself leaving. I ran away to college, but then I came home when my mom got sick and I realized that what I really needed in my life was home. Even if there are a few warts to the place."

  "I wish I could feel that way," I said.

  “I wish you could too.”

  Okay. We were getting into awkward territory. It was time for a subject change.

  "So, ground rules for whatever this is?" I asked.